January’s Nightmare: Nose, Sinus Surgery + Tonsillectomy
This double surgery (experienced without any pain medication whatsoever) made the top five list.
The top five most terrible things to ever happen in my life.
Dr. Scharf rooted me in and promised that I would love him again after a week. I walked into a bright clean room with hundreds of razor sharp sparkling tools. Verified what body parts would be worked on and removed and laid down on a sanitized metal platform, arms extended straight out, perpendicular to my body. With deft movements, my limbs were quickly strapped down and mechanical shin pads placed around my lower legs to promote circulation.
I had heard strange stories of people becoming addicted to surgery, due to the rush of anesthesia..I have never had the luck to feel anything or laugh manicaly from it, just boring sleep.
My next memory was of my body shaking uncontrollably and teeth chattering as I tried to pull myself into a sitting position. “Are you nauseous?” a voice said from behind me. “Yes” I whispered and returned to my blackout. And then my memory picked up again as the voice said “Do you feel better?” “Yes”
Two recovery rooms later I woke up again, my first thought being that I felt two shriveled up raisins in the back of my throat. Well I guess the tonsils were gone for good now. My IV was taken out and my mother began to slowly feed me from a cup of root beer and ice chips. Every time I leaned forward blood would roll out of my nose; an awful predicament that would last for several days.
The first night was by far the worst. My procedures had been completed at an outpatient center devoted only to surgery. Upon arriving home I was hanging on for several hours until midnight fell over my bed. The double surgery really had me nailed. I truly felt as though I was going to suffocate. I was gasping for breath as my entire nose and sinus passageways filled up with blood-and decided to go nowhere. Breathing through my mouth also proved futile as the entire back of my throat was swollen from the tonsillectomy and I was unable to even swallow a breath of air. I was drowning inside my head and as I grew upset, dizzy and increasingly weak my thoughts spun through visions of the ER. My mom had the doctor paged and I found myself leaning over the stove trying to inhale vapor, as my dad held an umbrella overhead and my sleeves threatened to catch fire at any moment over the open flame.
I kept thinking about Bon Scott from ACDC drowning in his own fluids in a gooey heroin and booze inflicted mess.
The next day I was sitting up in bed when my new best friend arrived. A $15 vaporizer. It was forbidden and annoying to lay down but as I faded in an out of sleep the vaporizer worked its magic…three days later I began to breathe through my nose.
Birthday Shoes
The last several years I have had disappointing birthdays-at times they were borderline emotionally horrific. Fortunately this year I was blessed to have several wonderful days after-the-fact. The following week I ate baked cloves of garlic for the first time, the crispy outer layers fell off effortlessly. The cloves? Soft, healthy, squishy and amazing. Not to mention, no vampires visited me that Monday night..
And then…my girl Greta took me to Dr. Lees in Jersey City where these black leather and zebra fur jump offs came into my life. Beyond sick and officially crafted with Air Force One swagger. While trying them on a man walked into the store in a fur coat, iced out sunglasses and funny looking shoes. “Oh shit…she got them jump offs on..gonna be gettin’ into trouble now…”
